Pictures from the courthouse

Heading upstairs to the court room

Swearing we are who we say we are.

The Judge giving C a teddy bear

Our family with the Judge

We’re official

Gotcha Day as some call it.  I personally am not a big fan of that saying, but I guess it will do until I think up something better.

Today at 9:05am the Judge made it official.  C is now legally our child.  It was short and sweet, but hubby and I were grining like idiots. 

Y’all want to know?

WE GOT THE CALL. WE GOT THE CALL. WE GOT THE CALL. WE GOT THE CALL. WE GOT THE CALL.

We got to meet our daughter on Thursday afternoon. She is still in the hospital and not all papers are signed, but I could not keep this secret any longer.

When I am comfortable posting more specific information, I will.

I also want to congratulate Michelle over at Our Adoption Journey b/c they got the call on Wednesday also.

What they don’t tell you about prematurity

Stacy at The Preemie Experiment posted this yesterday (I hope she does not mind me copying the post ), and it is worth a read.

Invisible Issues Related to Prematurity

Wheelchairs, glasses, feeding tubes, leg braces… all are outward signs of prematurity . If you need services at school, you’ll get them. If you go to the doctor, they listen to what you have to say. Neighbors understand why you are tired. Family offers to help.

Advances in medicine and interventions have lowered the number of children who need those devices. For this I am thankful. My daughter does not (currently) need any of the above (although she did wear leg braces for a few years).

But, there is another side to prematurity… Invisible issues. They are clear as day to us parents and the preemies that experience them but invisible to the outside world and largely ignored by the medical community.

anxiety disorders
sensory integration issues
psychiatric issues
behavior issues
fine motor delays
fatigue
feeding issues
weight and growth issues
reflux issues
head aches
autism spectrum disorders
coordination issues
sleep issues
severe constipation

Over the years I have heard many parents say that they were blamed for the above issues.

I am also one of those parents who was blamed. For a brief moment I believed it. (I must not be feeding her enough, I must be babying her, I am not strict enough, etc) But, as I started talking to other parents I realized that other preemies were suffering with the same issues.

If you are thinking, “these issues are not that bad” then you have never lived with a very young child who stabbed herself because her “thoughts” told her to. You have never lived with a child who has such severe constipation that, despite adult doses of Miralax, can still tear herself bloody when she has a bowel movement. You have never lived with a child who will drop to the floor and scream when hearing a voice on the loudspeaker. You have never lived with a child who will cry because she is so tired that she cannot run with the other children.

These invisible issues are what makes me continue to fight to get the word out. Why should any parent feel responsible, like I did, when the above issues are actually commonly reported by parents of preemies? Why should I stay quiet and let the doctors feel that preemies are fine after age 2? How will conditions improve? How do we expect the doctors to know?

I’ve been told that my posts sound angry. Since true emotion can be misunderstood, I want to be very clear. I am not angry. I was the one who chose to have the doctors save my daughter. As it stands right now, I cannot look at my daughter and honestly say that I would choose differently.

Frustration is the emotion that I feel. Frustration that misinformation is still the norm when it comes to preemies. I feel an incredible sense of duty to be a voice for future preemies and their parents. I am thankful that I am not alone in this passion.

I have really taken a lot away from Stacy’s blog. It is alway a welcome resource to read or hear from parent’s who have BTDT. Parent’s of extremely premature little ones still have a lot of uncharted territory. J was born on the edge of viability. If I had delivered him even the year earlier his chance of survival would have been very rare. These invisible issues I feel sometimes can be harder. W/ J, we seem to cycle. His behavior seems to get REALLY BAD before he hits a maturity growth spirt. Right now we are enjoying a lull in bad behavior. He is able to tell us his wants and needs better. I hope it continues.

One aspect that I have been very lucky in is that we have NEVER had doctors question us or our parenting. We have had and continue to have very supportive medical community. Our pedi tells J every visit that J is allowing me to earn a very special place in heaven daily. His office is very stimulating for J and J wants to experience it all and not to take time to have the doctor’s visit.

I guess I just hope you take away from this post is that don’t dismiss what a parent says they are dealing with just because their preemie looks “normal.”

I want to also have everyone check out Lauren at Cheers Y’all. She is in route to VN right now to pick up Emmett.

Today is also my little brother’s birthday. Happy Birthday A.

Tomorrow morning the social worker is presenting our home study to the agency.

Inching closer to the contract

I got an email last night from our home study social worker, and she was emailing the updated home study to CC last night. She said since it was just an update that she was talking to them over the phone instead of doing it face to face. She said that should be done by the end of this week. After that we should be able to sign the contract with CC.

I am sort of starting to nest. With the reality that a baby could happen at anytime, I need to have things clean and ready. This past weekend I went into the attic and brought down the baby swing, car seat and bathtub. Plan on spending the next few days giving them a good cleaning. I want to be able to put them in the nursery and forget about them. I am still picking up things from the store one at a time. I forgot how much stuff babies need. I don’t have that much and it has taken over the nursery. I hope to have the crib voucher this week and crib situation taken care of this weekend.

J and hubby have been going to the pool pretty regularly. J is big on associations. He associates pool time with his cousin. We usually go swimming at their house. Yesterday, J and hubby were at the pool and J was calling all of the little boys there his cousin’s name. He was also trying to talk to them (which is good that he is wanting to interact with peers) in “little einstein speak.” They really did not know how to take J, but hubby said they were nice to J. J has to be taught EVERYTHING. Most kids pick up social cues naturally. Not my J. This has me back thinking he is on the ASD spectrum. That is pretty typical of kiddos on the spectrum. It will be interesting to see how he does in the typical pre-K class in the fall. He is getting to an age that kids are not going to be as accepting of “different,” and we are really going to have to work with him to get him where he needs to be. When J was medically fragile, we knew what tangible things we had to do to keep him alive. I find this stage harder. What do you do to get your child where they need to be socially?

And more good news to go around

Upon reading Amanda’s blog, I saw that another of my IA agency PAP’s is in Korea right now picking up their little girl. Check out Elizabeth’s blog. It does not seem like she is going to post pictures though. I am so excited for the both of them. But being human, I have a smidge of jealousy mixed in there. Not much but it is there. And the second guessing kicks in. Did we make the wrong choice for a second time? Should we have looked further at other options in international adoption? I guess I could ask what ifs forever. I feel confident in CC. I just really wish they were not so slow. I hope to hear from them next week sometime.

A co-worker is giving me her crib that they no longer need. This makes it to where my mom does not need to go out and buy one. I hope it is not one of the one’s recalled. Guess I will find out tomorrow. Our crib was recalled. I took it apart last night and sent off the hardware so we could get a voucher for a new one. I called the customer service number today and got a complete jacka$$. First off, the envelope they sent us to mail the screws back in is just a manilla envelope. Before I even was able to take it to UPS, there were already multiple holes in the thing. I asked the cust svc person what would happen if when it got to them it was all torn up. His reply “Well, I just don’t know.” WOW. Then to the real reason I called, I told him I called last week and a supervisor was supposed to call me back but did not. I retold him the situation of me purchasing the replacement part of the crib that is now being recalled. His response to me was that he was very sorry and he would expedite my voucher when they received the hardware. I told him that I would be appreciative of that but that is not what I am talking about. I asked him about being reimbursed for my expenses for purchasing the part that is now being recalled. I did not feel I should have to come out of pocket for something that is now recalled. He again said he was sorry and he would expedite my voucher. So again, I asked him if he understood what I was asking for. He said yes but he was not at liberty to anything for me and I was out of luck. I then ask to speak to the supervisor. Of course he in turn tells me he is the supervisor. Yeah right. I ask him “Do you not have a boss.” He said he did but would not transfer me to them. How annoying! Am I overreacting? I do tend to do that from time to time. Am I ridiculous in wanting to be reimbursed for my expense. It was about $60. Even with the rising prices of everything, I could have fun with $60.

More good news to go around

Amanda – Pursuit of Poppy (PAP from our International Agency) switched to a Korean adoption, and Poppy became part of their family today. No pictures posted yet. Can’t wait to see that happy family. Congratulations Amanda.

**update – go check out Poppy. She is so darn cute.

NOLA – 2 weeks and counting

Can I just tell you how excited I am getting and I still am two weeks out from our trip. One on my fav shows, Throwdown w/ Bobby Flay, was doing a gumbo throwdown. Hubby and I were drooling. Again this will a revolve around food. As the intro to the show they were showing all the different types of food. YUM! Those who know hubby know he is ALWAYS talking about food or what his next meal will be. (Can take a boy out of culinary school but you can’t take the culinary school out of the boy – do I have all of you jealous now? he is an amazing cook and I don’t cook – great combo) I think we will be talking about food for the next two weeks. He is trying to get me to pin down where we are having every meal. He is so weird though. He was wanting us to discuss where were going to have lunch on Fri – the drive in? So, he asks if we could stop in Baton Rouge for lunch. That in and of itself is not a bad thing but he wanted to go to Brewbachers (a sandwich shop). Jenn, can you believe it? I looked at him and asked him if he was nuts. I told him I could hold out and wait the 1 extra hour to have a much better meal. I know I am not making much sense to a lot of people. So let me explain, it would be like wanting a steak and settling for Outback when Ruth’s Chris was just 45 min further.

As far as a home study update, I emailed the social worker for a status. She emailed back that she should be done in the next few days. I am hoping she will be bringing it to CC next week. If we could get everything signed sealed and delivered (so to speak) by the end of the month, I would be a happy camper.

Some good news for a couple with our domestic agency

A couple who was in our adoption class picked up their new little boy last week. They emailed me their good news this afternoon. I am so incredibly happy for them. Hubby said they are just getting into the newborn schedule/hell. His words not mine. We like our sleep. It happened really quickly for them. I think our social worker had their books for about 4 weeks. If we could only be so lucky. I can’t wait to see pictures.

Hopefully, we will have just as short of a wait.

Home study check

We had our Home study update this morning and it was uneventful. Basically, she asked us what had changed in our lives since last year – NOTHING. She toured our house and that was about it. Hopefully we will hear from the agency in the next couple of weeks. I will be bringing our portfolios to our social worker next week. At that point we are pretty much done besides giving them an exorbitant amount of money.

Everyone have a fun and safe 4th of July.